miketendo

Hey everyone. I know, I know - three weeks behind in Smash coverage. But while I laid on my couch in a post-Thanksgiving coma, I did some thinking and came to an executive decision. It may disappoint the phantom readers out there that for whatever reason came to me first for Smash updates, but for the most part, I think that the rest of my tiny handful of readers will agree that it’s time I started making this blog, I don’t know - useful?

Don’t get me wrong, I love Smash as much as the next dork with a blog, but up until now, aside from the occasional movie review or life update, Miketendo didn’t really offer anything exclusive. You could get the same information (and in most cases, more quickly) by just checking the Smash Dojo yourself. So - with that, I will no longer be regurgitating information into your heads and opting to make the blog more appealing to people that just want to know what’s up with me.

Now before you go removing me from your bookmarks, keep in mind that if there are any HUGE updates, “Megaton” Nintendo announcements, or a reader that decides to use that handy comment button to ask a question concerning Smash or any other game, I won’t be opposed to momentarily returning to my dorky ways. But for the most part, Smash will no longer be taking control of this blog simply because it seems to update more often than my life.

In fact, I think I’ll mark the rebirth of Miketendo with a Life Update:

■ School: With only a quarter and a couple weeks left in my college education, I find myself occasionally zoning out at the thought of how quickly the past 3 years have passed. It really hit home as I searched through the archive of previous work on my hard drive while making my print portfolio and demo reel (both of which, I hope to have online soon). My goal since the beginning was to make the selected pieces really reflect my personality, and I’m happy to report that for the most part, they do. That said - there’s always more work to be done, and I’m looking forward to more collaborative projects - which leads to next bullet point.

■ Work: It feels strange even including this section, as I’ve been technically unemployed since September. But the latest passion for Mig, John, Matt, and myself is Liqueoum - the small idea set in motion by Mig, John, and Andrew has really gained steam and they were awesome enough to invite me aboard as the team’s Illustrator/Animator. The primary focus in our recently ended search for a new home was to find one we could run a business out of - and we really lucked out. Our studio kicks your studio’s ass. If you haven’t already, add Liqueoum on Facebook and check out the latest studio pics - and leave a message for us on our newly mounted TV by IMing ‘Liqueoum‘. We’re looking forward to taking on client work of increasing size and importance as more and more of the team finishes their education.

■ QuadForce: As already mentioned, we’re in a new home - and happier than ever. The size is much more manageable - although, there was admittedly some aching for the sprawling expanses of the Manor as we were faced with a severe lack of Halloween party options this year. Our party days may, for the most part, be over - and our new living situation may be a bit more modest, but despite it all, Thanksgiving went off bigger and better than ever, with only a couple people left without proper seating. As always, Thanksgiving was followed directly by our equally large drawing for Chrimstas victims (No, that isn’t a typo), and everyone seems pumped - so there are only more awesome things to look forward to - included the looming QuadForce Winter Invasion. In slightly more somber news, the smaller living situation came with some changes to the live-in roster, with Joe making a bold and honorable move back home to save money to fund his future and Kyle switching to temporary status - meaning that eventually, we’ll be down to four again, but we wish both of our departed/departing dudes the best of luck and assure them that we’ll always have their backs. To end on a more light-hearted note, we have more holiday spirit than ever this year, having already put up and decorated our first real Christmas tree and more importantly, Amber’s charity drive to give a kid in need an awesome Christmas this year has exceeded all expectations, allowing us to sponsor almost three kids now! Is it possible to feel any wamer/fuzzier? I don’t think so.

■ Dorky Stuff: Mig got Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles, John got Rock Band and both John and I got Super Mario Galaxy. The best season in video gaming is truly upon us - they all rule. Oh, and there’s a new PC game called Crayon Physics that continues to keep all of us in awe until the demo ends - you can bet we’ll be picking it up.

■ Home: Mom and Dad continue to be bigger party animals with age (Awesome) - which unfortunately, is more than I can say for Sparky, who couldn’t see the squirrel in front of the window he was looking out the other day. Thanksgiving was tastier than ever this year and as you already know, the resulting coma allowed me to do some solid thinking. John Travolta in Hairspray made it a little more difficult. Eesh.

■ Personal Stuff: I’ve had a lot of crazy thoughts and dreams lately. I’ll let you know when I get it all figured out.

Updates seem to be getting stronger each week as we inch closer to the new year. Let’s do some coverage, shall we?>> Stage Builder (Game Mode) [10/29/07]As if you weren’t already convinced that 2008 would be your least productive year ever, Sakurai dropped a bomb to start the Smash week - for the first time ever, Smash Bros. has a level editor. That’s right - the deepest game you’ve ever heard of just got deeper. With a convenient drag and drop grid system, the Stage Builder not only lets you customize your own stages, but lets you send and receive stages via WiiConnect24 too. In fact, Nintendo will send one lucky user-submitted stage worldwide each day. Did you pee a little? That’s ok. I did too.

Anyone else reminded of the Incredible Machine? No? I’m a dork.

>>  Classic (Game Mode) [10/30/07]

Continuing with the Game Mode trend, Sakurai unveiled a returning, and for the most part unchanged one - Classic. Nothing much to report here. You’ll go from fight to fight, ultimately working your way up to your “Final Destination” (or equivalent) and well, that’s it. The only real news here is that this mode now comes with a payout. You earn coins for winning battles and can redeem them… somehow. Sakurai has yet to let us know. My best guess would the reurn of the trophy vending machine. He also decided to drop a totally random FYI - Just so you know, the 1st level is based in the Zelda universe and the 3rd is in the Pokemon universe. Ok?

Dedede’s face just screams “giant Meta Knight pwned”.

 >> The Summit (Stage) [10/31/07]

Sakurai wished us all a Happy Halloween with an interesting twist on what we consider an Ice Climbers stage. As opposed to the vertically scrolling format we’ve learned to love or hate, the newest Ice Climbers stage takes place after the ice has been climbed. The Summit is exactly that. But it doesn’t end there. Oh no. The peak will shake loose after some intense battling and go sliding down the side of the mountain and eventually into the lake at the bottom - introducing a concept that’s new to the franchise - swimming. Additionally, those pesky polar bears in pink Speedos will add unwelcome weight to the new iceberg and a large, extremely ugly fish will threaten to gobble you right up. Intense.

How polar bears make it sink and Dedede’s fat ass doesn’t, I’ll never know.

>> Meta Knight: Final Smash <Galaxia Darkness> (Character Smash Ball Reaction) [11/01/07]

Sakurai brought our excitement levels down a bit for the impending close of the Smash week with something that some lucky people already saw, but is nice to learn about anyway - Meta Knight’s Final Smash. So what does the little bastard do? Well in a move that defines the phrase “Hit or Miss”, he swings his cape outward, hopefully catching someone within it, killing the lights, and subsequently - them. It’s a devastating move and it can affect more than one opponent in the event that he’s lucky enough to catch more than one - but what if he catches less than one - none? Nothing. Absolutely nothing.

If Ganondorf taught us anything, it’s that purple light is bad.

>> On-Screen Appearances (Character Fight Intros) [11/02/07]

In a somehow anticlimactic end to the Smash week,  Sakurai gave us an update that almost doesn’t deserve it’s own update - how a handful of characters enter battle. As I mentioned before, the custom intros are returning and looking sweet - unfortunately, Sakurai didn’t use this as an opportunity to unveil every character in the game - just Mario, Fox, Ice Climbers, Pit, Lucas, Ike, and Snake’s appearances. I’d also like to point out that any small desire I had to play as Lucas got smaller as he rides into battle on a table. A fucking table.

Snake’s super sweet optical camouflage craps out conveniently before battle, forcing him to use plan B - his cardboard box fort.

Another week down, here’s the list. I might happen to know a bit more than I’ve written about, seeing as I’m a day late.

Stages: Mario Circuit, NorfairBosses:  RayquazaAssist Trophies: Hammer Bro., Nintendog, Advance Wars, Metroid, Drill Dozer, Sin and Punishment CharacterPokémon: Chikorita, Goldeen, Kyogre, Torchic, Snorlax, StarmieItems: Hammer, Bunny Hood, Metal Block, Cloaking Device, Lip’s Stick, Mushroom, Mini Mushroom, Food, Spiny-Thwomp-Ball-Thing, Smart Bomb, Home-Run Bat, Beam Sword, Fire Flower, Party Ball, Spring Pad, Screw Attack, Bob-omb, Fan, Warp StarCurrently Anticipating: Super Mario Galaxy!

So, last week was a bit of disappointment. Let me rephrase that. No news about Smash is unwelcome - nevertheless, the updates were just ok. To use a term that’s hot in the Nintendo coverage world right now, there was no “megaton” news (Jaw dropping, ’stop the presses’ news like we’ve been spoiled with lately). This week, however was a little different, making up for a lack of double updates with content that widened our eyes a bit. So without further adieu, let’s get into it.

>> Pictochat (Stage) [10/22/07]

The week started with a bang as we hit the refresh button enough times to see the DS logo and “Pictochat” appear in the title bar. I, for one, stopped in my tracks for a moment. What does this mean? Wii-DS functionality embedded in the Wii? That’s a stage icon! Can someone draw directly onto the stage, creating obstacles LIVE?! Sorry kids, no such luck. You’d probably trap people in circles anyway, you little bastards. The content is drawn and erased automatically, and it won’t just be platforms and walls. Let’s just say you shouldn’t take lightning, fire, or wind lightly just because it’s drawn terribly. We also got a sneak peek at the music offered on this stage. In addition to the Pictochat ambience, the Wii Shop Channel, Mii Channel, and Brain Age tracks will be there to spice things up a bit.

I’m assuming the “Now entering” status is listed as characters spawn/respawn. Cute.

>> Donkey Kong Makes His Stand (Subspace Emissary Intro Video) [10/23/07]

Those of you that checked out the link to the series of Subspace Emissary movies at GameTrailers will be entirely unsurprised by this. It almost made me feel bad for finding it. Almost. Regardless, it was nice to watch it with the actual intended audio. It’s still worth watching, as all of them are, millions of times in a row. In fact, I don’t even want to explain what happens in it aside from “it’s sweet,” so watch it now. Again.

>> STADIUM: Target Smash! (Game Mode) [10/24/07]

On the tails of the hype from the previous STADIUM update (Home Run Contest), we get another look at the mode that’s sure to keep us busy, because apparently it’s so awesome, it has to be listed in ALL CAPS. We’ll be hearing “Brrreak the Targets!” once again, but strangely enough, without the personalized levels. Instead there are only 5 levels of varying difficulty, leaving all of us a little apprehensive. But we trust in Sakurai, who also revealed that items would now appear during these challenges. Interesting.

The targets now appear in different colors depending on level. Pleasant.

But what’s more interesting is a MUCH more important announcement, included as a mere “by the way” at the back half of this update. It seems Halo 3 players won’t be the only ones with access to robust record and replay options. About 3 minutes worth to be kind of precise. From that point, you can either save this to your Wii’s internal memory or a more convenient SD card - which means you can expect more technical mastery videos than ever before. Sakurai would have gotten away with convincing us that this was only an option in Target Smash mode if it weren’t for the inclusion of this screenshot:

Clearly NOT Target Smash. You sneaky devil, you.

>> King Dedede (Character) [10/25/07]

Ok, last week is officially made up for - I LOVE CHARACTER ANNOUNCEMENTS. Especially when they’re ones I predicted.
“King Dedede (Kirby): Kirby’s arch nemesis is a retarded penguin with a hammer - need I say more?” [6/8/07]

See?! Ok, enough showing off. As IGN put it, the Kirby franchise is complete. The biggest recurring characters are now included and topping off at a solid 3 to choose from. Dedede was predicted by a number of dorks like myself, but something that wasn’t discussed much was how exactly he would control. Sakurai’s answer - strangely, to say the least. The big guy actually requires you to think a little differently as a majority of his clumsy attacks actually hurt him or leave him vulnerable if not executed properly - but we’ll talk about that more in coverage of the following post. All you need to know for right now is he’s a heavyweight joining the ranks of Bowser and DK, he carries a hammer that makes the Ice Climbers shit their pants, and the following screenshot is the first ever confirmation of the return of Kirby’s ability to steal characters’ hats - and subsequently, their abilities.

Check out the updated character banner: bannerjpeg3.jpg

>> King Dedede: Special Moves (Character Move Set) [10/26/07]

As mentioned before, Dedede is a retarded penguin with a giant hammer - that said, you have to compensate to make up for his handicap. He can and will hurt himself if you fail to do this. I’ll touch on these issues as we break down each featured move - now arranged in a convenient list. (An organizational method I’ll continue for all characters from now on.)

Special + Up: Super Dedede Jump - For a lardo, this guy gets some serious air - and oddly enough, unlike most other characters, he’ll face straight forward and into the camera while doing it. It’s still unknown at this point whether being hit on the way up will do any damage, but the landing certainly does - and not just to them. Hitting the ground full force will, no doubt, hurt your enemies, but is it worth a few moments of vulnerability? Most of the time, probably not - which is why you’re given the chance to cancel it midair - but even that comes with a catch. If you decide to do this late, you’ll “make a fool of yourself” and end up vulnerable for a longer period of time than you would have had you not canceled at all. Be careful.

Special + Side: Waddle Dee Toss - Luckily this move can’t really end in catastrophe for you. Pretty straightforward, really. You throw Waddle Dees - both as a direct projectile and as a goomba-esque walking hazard. The only catch is that occasionally, you’ll throw Waddle Doos or Gordos, creating electric or pointy obstacles, respectively.

Special + Down: Jet Hammer - This is where King Dedede pulls a new trick out of the bag. In a move unseen in any previous appearance, his hammer splits open, revealing a chargeable jet engine inside - meaning anyone standing in his way will be hit - hard. But of course, this can prove to be too awesome for Dedede to handle as overcharging his new toy results in an explosion, doing serious harm to the royal retard. Again, be careful.

Like giving matches to a baby.

Another Smash week comes to an all-too-soon end. Luckily, the news doesn’t stop there! Check out some of the recent gossip.

• People have been trying to decipher the Dojo URLs for a long time now, hoping to somehow get to new information, but to no avail. However, Zeke the Plumber might just be on to something. In an interesting blog post on Destructoid, he illustrates his theory that ultimately concludes that the remaining secret characters’ Japanese franchise name(s) must land somewhere between M and S. His best guesses - NiGHTS (I highly doubt it), Pikmin (Very likely), Pac-Man (Slim chance, but maybe), Punch-Out (Ruled out as Little Mac - the main character - was introduced as a mere assist trophy), and Rockman (The Japanese name for Megaman - He’s already been in a fighting game once before, but it’s still very possible).
• According to The Tanooki, Krystal (from Starfox) will be in Smash “somewhere” (either an assist trophy or playable character - my money’s on the latter.) She’s currently credited with the voices of Knuckle Joe and Zero Suit Samus.
• IGN updates with another installment of “Smash it Up!” This time, the focus is alternate costumes. Must read as always.
• If you can stand sitting through endless amounts of terrible editing and horrible grammar, this video claims that the clouds surrounding the Halberd as it descends on the Smash Stadium contains the faces of the game’s enemy lineup. To save you time and frustration, here’s the list of characters “seen” in it:
  • Bowser (Mario)
  • Ridley (Metroid)
  • Ganondorf (Zelda)
  • Mewtwo (Pokemon)
  • Wizpig?! (Diddy Kong Racing)
• Okami confirmed for Wii! [Q3 2008]
• Samba De Amigo officially announced by Sega! [Spring 2008]
• Spore confirmed for Wii by Will Wright! (Who also claims Wii is “the only true next gen console.”)
• Complete Guitar Hero 3 setlist revealed!
• New Wii Functionality/Channels Announced!
  • VC titles can now be sent as gifts! Send me some!
  • Check Mii Out - Show your Mii to the world and have it judged.
  • Everybody’s Nintendo Channel - Watch promotional videos and download demos for upcoming DS games!
• Reggie’s promotion ( to President and Chief Operating Officer of Nintendo of America) means his old job needs to be filled - and it just was. Cammie Dunaway is Nintendo’s new Executive Vice President of Sales & Marketing.
• Perrin Kaplan talks about her time spent at Nintendo as she serves her last year with the company in a video interview on Gamespot.
• Wiimote Condoms Jackets now shipping!
• According to USA Today, Nintendo’s profits have more than doubled. “Sales are forecast to rise 10% to 1.55 trillion ($13.55 billion).” Wow.

Whew. Never a slow day. Anyhoo, as always, here’s your Confirmed, but Not Featured List:

Characters: None!

Stages: Mario Circuit, Norfair

Assist Trophies: Hammer Bro., Nintendog, Advance Wars, Metroid, Drill Dozer, Sin and Punishment Character

Pokémon: Chikorita, Goldeen, Kyogre, Torchic, Snorlax, Starmie

Items: Hammer, Bunny Hood, Metal Block, Cloaking Device, Lip’s Stick, Mushroom, Mini Mushroom, Food, Spiny-Thwomp-Ball-Thing, Smart Bomb, Home-Run Bat, Beam Sword, Fire Flower, Party Ball, Spring Pad, Screw Attack (Franklin Badge-esque), Bob-omb, Fan, Warp Star

Currently Anticipating: Tom Nook (c’mon!)

Coming Soon: Miketendo Movie Reviews for Elizabeth: The Golden Age and Saw IV

Perhaps still in the process of winding down from Sonic’s big reveal, the Dojo had a somewhat lackluster week this time around.

>> New Pork City (Stage) [10/15/07]

By far the largest stage unveiled yet, New Pork City of the Earthbound franchise boasts multiple platforms, a swinging ship, and the extremely strange “Ultimate Chimera”, a toothy pink beast with an adorable little bird on it’s head that will kill anyone it encounters and subsequently bites. Essentially, you are to the Ultimate Chimera as crime is Scruff McGruff.

Hyrule Temple? Pssh. I spit in the general direction of such smallness.

>> STADIUM: Home-Run Contest (Game Mode) [10/16/07]

Perhaps the coolest update of the week was on Tuesday, in which Sakurai shed some light on the return of the Home-Run Contest. Big whoop. We already knew Sandbag was back - my grandmother saw this update coming, right? Wrong. It’s been given a serious makeover, one that will make you play it longer than it takes to get the trophy for it. So, what’s new?

- There’s now a force field, weak as it may be, surrounding the platform to keep you and sandbag from falling out of bounds prematurely. Translation - you’ll no longer have to hunt down the one character (in Melee’s case - Yoshi) that can rack up damage without moving Sandbag.

- There are now co-op and alternating co-op modes, allowing you and a friend to kick the shit out of Sandbag together or alternately, respectively.

- Still not enough for you? Well, you greedy bastard, the previous modes I spoke of are also available ONLINE. The Home-Run Contest is now, truly, a contest.

I don’t entirely understand the concept of a psychic kick, but it looks painful.

>> How to use the Wii Remote (Control Method) and Meowth (Pokemon) [10/17/07]

Bust out a Wiimote and study this diagram, it’s how the sideways Wiimote control option will work. It’ll definitely take some getting used to, but according to the attendees of the Nintendo Media Summit and the E for All Expo, it feels surprisingly comfortable when you get the hang of it, and apparently better than the Classic Controller. Regardless if any method bothers you too much, you can always remap the buttons for any control scheme to your liking.

Grabs are a little awkward.

The second part of the update highlighted the return of the wisecrackiest of all Pokemon, Meowth. He strangely vanished after the original Smash Bros., but is back and in THREE DIMENSIONS! Apparently, he hasn’t learned anything in his time off, as his attack is the same - although it sure looks a lot better than a hovering jpeg likeness with coins flying out of it.

Looks like that coin hit the vile of Nitroglycerin in Lucas’ pocket.

>> Little Mac (Assist Trophy) [10/18/07]

Perhaps the coolest Assist Trophy yet, Little Mac of Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! fame returns, like Meowth, in 3D. It was a little disappointing to some that he didn’t make the cut for full-on Smash Bro. to appear as a mere item, but the fact that he made it at all is a pleasant surprise for everyone. So - what exactly does he do? Well it’s pretty easy to figure out. He boxes your ass into submission. How exactly? With a sweet charge, punch, uppercut combo of course. But perhaps what’s even sweeter is that he’s maintained his slightly smaller than normal stature. How could you stay mad at a pseudo-midget?

Ike gets pwned AGAIN.

>> Peach: Final Smash <Peach Blossom> (Character Smash Ball Reaction)

Apparently the person that wrote the Brawl review on Destructoid was mistaken. Peach’s final smash is no reference to Super Princess Peach. But the mistake is easy to make. Peach’s Final Smash is naturally, quite a production. A large, Peach-themed border frames the fight and Peach takes center stage to do a dance that, for some unexplained reason, makes everyone fall asleep and peaches rain from the sky. But that’s not all. When her dance is over, she has the freedom to either regain health from the peaches or pummel sleeping enemies with them. But that’s still not all. The closer a contender is to a peach, the longer they’ll be asleep. What a bitch.

I was kinda hoping for a royal army of Toads…

And there you have it, the triumphant end to another Smash Week. *sigh* Let’s check in with the Confirmed, but not Featured List.

Characters: None!

Stages: Mario Circuit, Norfair

Assist Trophies: Hammer Bro., Nintendog, Advance Wars, Metroid, Drill Dozer, Little Mac, Sin and Punishment Character

Pokémon: Chikorita, Goldeen, Kyogre, Torchic, Snorlax, Starmie

Items: Hammer, Bunny Hood, Metal Block, Cloaking Device, Lip’s Stick, Mushroom, Mini Mushroom, Food, Spiny-Thwomp-Ball-Thing, Smart Bomb, Home-Run Bat, Beam Sword, Fire Flower, Party Ball, Spring Pad, Screw Attack (Franklin Badge-esque), Bob-omb, Fan

Currently Anticipating: Tom Nook

In Other News: Luigi has been confirmed in Super Mario Galaxy. See for yourself here and here.

In More Exciting News: GameTrailers just updated with a Brawl media blowout. Watch, drool, repeat.

Until next time. Keep on keepin’ on.

I know, I know. I talk about Smash a lot around here. Like, a LOT. Unfortunately, I put so much effort into covering updates lately, that I’ve been neglecting other games that deserve ALL of your attention.

The game you should expect to hear more about around here is no surprise - Super Mario Galaxy.

I’ll save the list of reasons this game is awesome for some other time - or rather just show you why by sticking to the news. All kinds of trailers and tidbits have been hitting the web over the past couples weeks as the release of this legendary game inches closer. Here’s what’s been going on lately.

• Here’s the video you can expect to see in retailers nation wide (If they ever manage to turn their Wii kiosks on - Am I the only one that’s noticed this?) See more videos here.

• Galaxy is proving to be all the things that have made previous Mario titles awesome in one game. The re-inclusion of Super Mario Bros. 3-esque powerups is just one of many steps in the right direction - and now we know what 6 of them are:
  • Bee Suit (Limited flight)
  • Boo Suit (Floating through walls/Camouflage amongst the boos)
  • Fire Suit (Throw fire balls)
  • Rainbow Suit (Invincibility)
  • Spring Suit (Jump higher)
  • Ice Suit (Walk on water)

• IGN recently got a hands-on with Galaxy at the Nintendo Media Summit in San Francisco. Read all about the experience and check out a plethora of new video and screens.

• It’s been confirmed - people that have preordered Galaxy will be rewarded with this lovely collector’s coin when they pick up their copies:

• In other, still Mario-related news: motorcycles have been confirmed for MarioKart Wii. This concerns a lot of people - can it be called MarioKart anymore? I’ll shrug it off and say yes. What I’m raising an eyebrow about is the inclusion of mid-air stunts. It should be interesting.

There’s been a lot of speculation and endless fakes released, but the question remains - how many characters are in Brawl? Here’s a breakdown based on what we know:

Ok, so - here’s the character list from Melee:

We come in at a solid 25. Those blank spots on the bottom row still bug me.

Now then, here’s the character select from the demo in San Francisco:

14 of the 22 characters confirmed up to this point. 21 if you separate Samus and Zero Suit Samus. Here’s a link to the character banner again to refresh your memory: bannerjpeg2.jpg

Now what happens if we take up all that extra real estate with similarly sized thumbnails?

Ouch. We come up with 24. One less than Melee - even with those blank spots filled. There’s no way in hell. Based on this, we can conclude that the thumbnails will be smaller in the final game.

But how small? How about Melee small?

This brings us to a solid 30 characters to choose from.

This seems to make more sense, doesn’t it? Yes and no - there are 13 characters from Melee that have yet to be confirmed for Brawl. One of two things is going to happen from here - either a handful of Melee fighters are getting cut, or the thumbnails are gonna get so small that they get hard to read. I’m putting my vote on the first of the two. Then again, they could change the way we select our characters entirely. Food for thought - what do you think?

You thought I was gonna go another week before updating didn’t you? Well, I fooled you. Actually, I was working on portfolio stuff all of last night and didn’t want to break my stride. Hopefully the Portfolio section of the site will have some new stuff for you to look at soon. In the meantime, let’s have a little one-sided chat about what can only be called the biggest week in Smash Bros. history.

>> Zero Suit Samus: Special Moves (Character Move Set) [10/8/07]

It appears Samus changes more than her look after dropping all that heavy armor - she changes her whole fighting style. Whereas Samus’ special moves focus on her blaster’s projectile efficiency, Zero Suit Samus trades in the gun and armor for increased speed and a little taser do’majiggy. What exactly does it do? Well the first thing is along the lines of what you’d expect from it - “Paralyzer” can stun either your entire enemy, or (if you aim it downward) you can zap them in the crotch, stunning only their lower half - either way, you have plenty of time to scream “Rape!” and get a few slaps in. We’ve already seen the second function, but it remains strange - “Plasma Whip” sends, well - a plasma whip out the end of the device and you can, you guessed it - whip people with it. Not only can you do the dominatrix thing to either side, but it has a straight-up option that lets you pretend to be the Kracken and pull victims into “the abyss”… or a girly pummeling. As seen in my previous post about tether recovery, this method will also be your means of getting back to the stage after an ass beating - apparently the end is sticky. *shrug*

My balls! My precious little angel balls!

>> WarioWare: Ashley’s Theme (Music) and Kirby: Final Smash <Cook Kirby> (Character Smash Ball Reaction) [10/9/07]

In an update that makes us all, *shrug* “Alright.” Sakurai makes up for semi-mediocrity by doubling up.

The first update is Ashley’s Theme from the WarioWare games. The tune is a spooky little jam about a spooky little girl - but what makes it interesting is that Sakurai takes the time to point out that it’s the first song revealed with lyrics - meaning it’s different for each language version of the site. He encourages us to check out the others. What this ends up revealing is an extra track for the Japanese. Sneaky little dude.

The second, more interesting part of the update is the long-known, sort of awaited Kirby’s Final Smash. We saw it for the first time way back in the original teaser videos, chuckled at Mario being boiled alive and forgot about it - at least I did. Regardless, what happens is this - Kirby throws all nearby enemies in a giant golden cauldron, he seasons and stirs like mofo and then, ala Emeril - BAM! Any victims involved come flying out along with a plethora of edible, health-increasing goodies. At least he’s nice enough to include those - just make sure you get to them before his fat ass does.

Chef, there appears to be Fox hair in my curry.

>> Nintendo Conference Fall 2007 Movie (Teaser Trailer), Sonic the Hedgehog Joins the Brawl! (Character Intro Movie), AND Sonic (Character) [10/10/07]

Best update ever? Yes. Without a doubt. It’s a threefer and it’s exactly what all of us wanted on this fateful night. Hold on to your crotches, here’s the formula for the ultimate update:

1) New footage! What’s not to love? Here’s a list of new things for the confirmed, but not featured list:

+ Kyogre (Pokemon)

+ Torchic (Pokemon)

+ Snorlax (Pokemon)

+ A few new stickers and trophies

+ Several character taunts

2) SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOINS THE BRAWL!!! Just in time for the big Sonic reveal in Japan. Can’t say everyone didn’t tell you so. I was convinced he was coming for a while, but it didn’t stop me from being excited to see this. The video shows off just about all of Sonic’s moves, even his Final Smash - Super Sonic. Watch it now. Like, right now. Even if you’ve already seen it a million times. Good to have you aboard, blue.

3) Sonic’s Character Profile. I just got pumped again. There’s a certain excitement I get whenever anyone gets their prestigious gradient background, but I can’t stop staring at this one. I’m not even a hardcore Sonic fan - I’m just so, so glad they put him in. Word on the street is he’s a good fit for Fox/Falco fans - in fact, his speed makes him borderline “hard to control”. I’m happy to hear it. Bring it on. Check out the awesome new character banner here: bannerjpeg1.jpg

‘Nuff said.

>> Sonic: Special Moves (Character Move Set) [10/11/07]

In a not particularly surprising, but still entirely welcome update, we keep the buzz going with a focus on Sonic’s special moves. Sonic fans will be pleased to know that they feel very familiar. The first and most obvious of them all is the Spin Dash. You can dash side to side, you can dash/jump into the air, you can do multi-hit combos while dashing, you can even dash to return the stage. It’s quick, it’s powerful, and as Sakurai said, we had to have it. The second and still unsurprising move is Spin Charge. All that stuff I talked about with Spin Dash? You can make it faster with Spin Charge. Sweetness. The final, and slightly more surprising move is Spring Jump. This recovery/means to achieving ultimate air makes a classic Sonic spring platform appear beneath you and sends you surprisingly high into the air. Like, crazy high. What makes it even more interesting - if you do this move over land, the platform will stay there temporarily for all to enjoy. Sounds like fun.

As you can see, Sonic beats the snot out of people. Literally.

>> Taking Snapshots (Game Feature) and New Launch and E for All (News) [10/12/07]

The final update of the Smash week proved to be a bit more somber. We’ll get to the reason for that adjective in the second part.

First up, the ability to pause the game and laugh at characters in compromising positions is back and so is saving such moments, but they’re no longer restricted to separate modes. They’ve done away with camera mode (as far as I know) and given everyone the ability to snap a picture with a mere press of the pause button. The difference? Now you can save them to either the Wii’s internal memory or an SD card. Additionally, you can send your moments of hilarity to a friend via a convenient “Send” option. Sounds straightforward enough. But to peak our interests just enough to make us raise our eyebrows, Sakurai blurred a pink button in the snapshot interface and cryptically referred to it as a mode that may or may not make the final cut. What could it be? An assign to background feature? A video capture method? A talking bubble drag ‘n drop? Maybe even an X-ray see-through clothing function - who knows? We might NEVER.

Link. C’mon - that may or may not be your sister!

The back half of the update brought the lights down a bit. In a c’mon, let’s be serious for a moment… moment, Sakurai sat us down for a “I have good news and bad news.” Read in whatever order you prefer:

Good News: Brawl will be playable (with Sonic) at the E for All Expo in Los Angeles. So… exactly like the Nintendo Media Summit in San Francisco. Thanks?

Bad News: Blame Sonic, call him padding for the blow, but Brawl will no longer be under your Christmas trees. It’s release has been delayed to February 10th, 2008. B-b-but you promised! This year! Reggie said we’d all be Brawling by December 3rd! Noooooooooooooooo!

Ok, realistically now - take a deep breath - this didn’t upset me (and a lot of other people) as much as you’d think. I trust Nintendo - and I don’t want Brawl to be a tiny, purple premature baby. They delay things for a reason, and I’m sure it’ll make a significant difference. Additionally (and on a more personal note), I’ll have an extra 50 bucks to spend on loved ones this holiday season and I’ll actually be able to pass my finals! There’s more good news than bad news here. Just bite a towel and rip off the bandaid. We’ll be ok.

There you have it, boys and girls. Let’s check in with the Confirmed, but not Featured List, shall we? It’s been updated with things spotted by the press while playing the game in San Francisco.

Characters: None!

Stages: Mario Circuit, Norfair

Assist Trophies: Hammer Bro., Nintendog, Advance Wars, Metroid, Drill Dozer, Little Mac, Sin and Punishment Character

Pokémon: Chikorita, Goldeen, Kyogre, Torchic, Snorlax

Items: Hammer, Bunny Hood, Metal Block, Cloaking Device, Lip’s Stick, Mushroom, Mini Mushroom, Food, Spiny-Thwomp-Ball-Thing, Smart Bomb, Homerun Bat, Beam Sword, Fire Flower, Party Ball, Spring Pad, Screw Attack (Franklin Badge-esque), Bob-omb

Currently Anticipating: Tom Nook, maybe Tails?

Extra Juicy Tidbits:

+ Lucas’ move set has been featured in Famitsu (and then on the Tanooki) - word on the street: He isn’t a Ness clone! Could Ness be coming back afterall?!

+ Unfeatured Final Smashes:

- Peach: The camera zooms in on her while she does something relating to Super Princess Peach on the DS. Destructoid’s account: When the camera zoomed out, everyone was asleep and there were peaches to eat everywhere. Could this be related to the clip of Peach singing, causing Bowser to dance in the new gameplay video?

- Ike: In a move that is apparently similar to Link’s Final Smash, he attacks one person mercilessly and sends them flying into oblivion.

- Meta Knight: Grabs a victim and gives them a single, powerful slash - apparently causing an instant K.O.

- Zero Suit Samus: Gets her suit back in a flare of energy that damages anyone nearby.

Alright boys and girls. Hopefully this will be my last two-week Smash update for a while - finals got in the way and yada yada yada. Onward.

>> Trophies (Collectibles) [9/24/07]

In a nice, but unsurprising update, Sakurai shares that the trophies are back in a big way. Look forward to throwing Wiimotes in frustration, but ultimately remembering you wore the wrist strap and hurting yourself while trying to hunt down all of the little bastards. I was hoping for an “Animate!” feature that would let you see a little movement from these otherwise very trophy-like trophies, but no such luck. However, Sakurai being the generous guy he is is letting us take pictures of our trophies in cute arrangements. …Gee, uh…thanks.

Yippee fuckin’ skippee - food’s confirmed.

>> Diddy Kong: Final Smash <Rocketbarrel Barrage> (Character Smash Ball Reaction) [9/25/07]

Does Diddy whip out a go kart and run some bitches over? Does he team up with the Rhino from Donkey Kong Country and trample some ho’s? No. He just uses both of his special moves at once. Meh. Basically, the chimp goes apeshit and flies around firing madly in a straight downward fashion until everything blows up. As the end of the Robot Chicken credits says, “Stupid Monkey.” Oh well.

At least it looks kinda neat.

>> Mr. Resetti (Assist Trophy) [9/26/07]

This I can dig. It seems the supreme chew-out master of Animal Crossing wasn’t content just catching people resetting their consoles - not any more. He’s decided that being your randomly selected assist trophy is reason enough to have an anurism. If selected, this bitchy little guy will pop up and give everyone fighting a verbal asswhooping as only he can. So mute it big whoop - where’s the problem? Well it seems his talking bubbles will conveniently cover big sections of the screen, and more importantly - your fight, at a time. Think Nintendog but not as cute and more annoying. One step closer to Tom Nook making the cut. I hope, I hope, I hope. IGN seems to agree.

Uh-oh, the anime intersection of frustration. This is serious.

>> Pokémon Trainer: Final Smash <Triple Finish> (Character Smash Ball Reaction) [9/27/07]

In a move that apparently goes against all Pokéregulations, the trainer’s final smash involves all three of his Pokébitches out and fighting at the same time - and it’s “Super Effective”. Charizard’s Fire Blast, Ivysaur’s Solar Beam, and Squirtle’s Hydro Pump will be unleashed on your ass and it’s sure to burn, blind, and drown you. Ouch.

Unpleasant.

>> Tourney (Game Mode) [9/28/07]

Just so you know - you can play a tournament. K. Up to 32 contenders. Got it. Wait - the Smash Week is ending with this? Fuck.

You could’ve at least snuck a new character’s head into this, you stingy bastard.

>> Lucas (Character) [10/1/07]

Sakurai must’ve heard me. Thank you! For the frist time since Diddy, we’ve got a brand new character - and he’s stirring up a bit of controversy. Who is this boy and why is he wearing Ness’ clothes? Well he’s Lucas and a lot of evidence is pointing toward him ending the career of our previous psychic boy. So what gives? Y’see way back in when Melee was being developed, Lucas was set to take Ness’ place to coincide with the release of Mother 3 in the states, but when Mother 3 was delayed, HAL defaulted back to Ness. Mother 3 went through a cancellation, port to DS, and GBA style facelift and still isn’t out. Will it release before Brawl? It’s doubtful, but either way, Lucas is ushering it in and we may be forced to say goodbye to the first previous character to get the *neck slice gesture*

Check out the new character banner! bannerjpeg.jpg

>> Shadow Moses Island (Stage) and Snake Joins the Brawl! (Character Intro Video) [10/2/07]

Oh double updates, how you make me smile. Tonight’s update was all about Snake and chock full of video sweetness. Snake’s home field promises to be a busy stage indeed - complete with destructible lookout towers on either side, searchlights that cause you character to freeze with the signature exclamation point and alert noise, oh - and every once in a while a giant fuckin’ Metal Gear will bust through the rear wall and do - well, something. So far, Metal Gear Ray and Metal Gear Rex are confirmed, but according to Sakurai, there’s a third behemoth from the latest Metal Gear saga to be confirmed at a later time. But the fun doesn’t end there - if you play as Snake on this level, you can communicate with your pals back at HQ to get the inside scoop on your rivals. That’s neat - hope it doesn’t distract from the fight too much. I wonder if every character gets a smiliar homefield advantage…Hmm… Food for thought.

Run for your life, Yoshi! Mario’s goin’ Dragon Ball Z on this joint.

But the fun didn’t end there, the second juicy morsel came  in the form of a brief run down on Snake’s entry to the happy go lucky world of Nintendo (Original Smash commercial reference - catch it?). Apparently, Snake and Mario really have it out for each other. Apparently Mario must die because he’s sooooo fuckin’ popular. Anyway, after some dialogue, Snake shows off his move set and gets suplexed by Mario. Fuckin’ rad.

>> Excitebike and Lakitu (Assist Trophies) [10/3/07]

Not gonna lie, kinda hoped this was a character at first glance. Oh well, he’s probably better suited as an Assist Trophy anyway. If chosen, this iconic little dude and all his multicolored buddies will turn the stage into an all out, SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY motocross event. Watch out for paper cuts.

 Vroom!

And in a strange “by the way”, Sakurai also decided to unveil, within Excitebike’s description, mind you, that Lakitu (in his original 8-bit glory) would be included as another pixellated Assist Trophy.

 
So that’s how it’s gonna be, huh? You’ll never do camera work in this town again!

>> Fox: Final Smash <Landmaster> (Character Smash Ball Reaction) and  Shielding & Dodging (Play Method) [10/4/07]

These Final Smashes are getting a little obscure. Well, not entirely, but unexpected nonetheless. As opposed to doing anything spacecraft or even speed related, Fox hops into a full-size Landmaster Tank and cruises around causing mayhem. You can remember the words of good ol’ Peppy Hare and “Do a Barrel Roll!”, you can hover - presumably to crush people beneath you, and of course, you can fire the canon. Oh and as long as it isn’t flipping around, characters can stand on it. My only concern is using this method on stages that involve mid-air battle and/or tiny suspended platforms. I just hope it doesn’t look too awkward moving around such areas. That’d suck.

Large and hopefully in charge.

Additionally, Sakurai let us know that shields and dodging would be back in a very familiar way. And that way is essentially untouched.

Shiny.

The shields seem to be a bit more luminous and the process of dodging seems to include more complex animations, but that’s about it.

Gaze in wonderment.

 >> Team (Game Mode) [10/5/07]

Finally some news about the modes within the game that’s actually news! The end the Smash Week on a high note, Sakurai confirmed that two-player co-op is included in the Adventure (aka Subspace Emissary) mode. In a very Sonic and Tails “Follow Me” method, the game will focus on the first player as the protagonist and the second player will just have to keep up. But don’t worry, going off the screen will only result in loss of stock if it’s because an enemy put you there. If you fall behind, the game will “catch you up” automatically - and in a pleasantly sparkly way. Just typing Sonic in this post made me more anxious to see him make the cut. PLEEEEASE SAKURAI, PLEEEEASE.

P.S. Those enemies we first saw in the Subspace intro video are called “Primids”

So there you have it. Another two weeks, said and done. Let’s check in with the “Know, but not Featured” list, shall we?

Characters: None!

Stages: Mario Circuit, Shadow Moses

Assist Trophies: Hammer Bro., Nintendog

Pokémon: Chikorita, Goldeen

Items:  Hammer, Bunny Hood, Metal Block, Cloaking Device, Lip’s Stick, Mushroom, Mini Mushroom, Food

 Currently Pondering: “There’s a method for powering yourself up as needed to do battle with the Subspace Army—a method that has not been seen before.

I’ll explain this in great detail another time.” - Sakurai (At the end of the Team post)

Currently Anticipating: Sonic, Tom Nook

Coming Soon to Miketendo: Bartoons!

Where have I been? I’ve been knee deep in finals, moving, and finishing Bartoons - and I’m leaving town tomorrow afternoon. I know, I’m a terrible, neglectful blogger - but damnit, I need a vacation. That said, I’ll try to get pics of the new place and the first cut of Bartoons up soon. In the meantime, brush up on your Smash and get the Miketendo angle on it all. *crackles knuckles* Let’s do this shit.

>> Munchlax (Pokémon) [9/10/07]

Ok, so - Munchlax. Baby Snorlax. Eats items. Cute. This has gotta be a multiple-part update… what? That’s it? A bad start to the Smash week is like a bad morning - it ruins the rest of your day. Unless of course you aren’t a nerd, in which case - why the hell are you reading this? Additional so-so news - Lip’s Stick confirmed.

My sentiments exactly, Animal Crossing girl.

>> Lyn (Assist Trophy) [9/1/07]

Oh Assist Trophies, why must you play with my emotions and eyebrow height? My eyes can never dart to the icon at the upper right of each title bar fast enough to cancel the “New Character?!” reaction. I guess it’s not too disappointing in this case - it’s another little-known Fire Emblem character. Like Pokémon fans celebrated the arrival of Munchlax, Fire Emblem fans cheered for Lyn’s cameo. Miketendo just gave a “Meh.” and went to bed. Forgive me, FE fans, I’m sure I’d rejoice with you had I any desire to get into that franchise. For what it’s worth, she draws her ninja sword and in typical animé ninja fashion, disappears in a flash of light, then reappears to pwn someone and the fight goes on.

That’s nice. Next.

>> Battleship Halberd (Stage) [9/12/07]

Continuing the update mediocrity, Sakurai decided to show us a level we already knew about. The only news? The ship has a grabby arm and death ray conveniently aimed at the fight, waiting to fuck you up, boyeee. Oh - and the stage has a name now. Neat. Nothing more than a cryptic mention of it’s involvement of it’s involvment in the Subspace Emissary .

You’re bustin’ my balls here, Sakurai. C’mon.

>> Special Brawl (Game Mode) [9/13/07]

Ok, ok - a little more interesting. Still - nothing entirely new. The mode previously called Special Melee, got an appropriate name change, a new interface, and some new goodies thanks to the new items. The mode itself is based around having permanently applied items in addition to unforeseen forces acting for or against your fight. As a result - we have a couple items to confirm - here’s the list: (All factors can be turned off for normalcy)

% Stamina: 300% (Sudden Death) or Stamina (150 HP)

Size: Mega (Mushroom confirmed) or Mini (Mini Mushroom confirmed)

Head: Flower (Lip’s Stick) or Bunny (Bunny Hood confirmed)

Body: Metal (Metal Block confirmed) or Clear (Cloaking Device confirmed)

Status: Curry (Superspicy Curry) or Reflect (Franklin Badge)

Gravity: Light or Heavy

Speed: Slow or Fast

Camera: Fixed or Angled

That should spice things up. Get it?! Hahaha… nevermind.

>> Ice Climbers (Character) [9/14/07]

There we go! I knew you’d save this turd of a week, Sakurai! In a move that says, “Hey, rumor authors - fuck you,” our favorite little 2 for 1 eskimo deal return for round two! And wow - look at that fur! Not returning to Smash is admitting defeat - and I knew you guys wouldn’t.

Kiss my Klondike, biotch.

>> Golden Hammer (Item) [9/17/07]

Back to the weirdness. Why is it Golden? So it can be faster - fast enough to make you levitate, of course. Why is it on a pedestal? You’ve got me there. Best part? Like the normal hammer (Which has now been confirmed), you can get duds. Instead of the head falling off as we’ve become accustomed to, it’ll stay intact but be soft and squeaky. Slapstick humor ensues.

Typical girl - naturally attracted to shiny things.

>> Wi-Fi Play [9/18/07]

Knew it. People started to doubt it, but I knew it. This update spawned page-long write-=ups on other blogs, but I’ll save you time and list the stuff you should get out of it.

Two Modes: With Friends (People you’ve exchanged friend codes with - ala Mario Strikers) or With Anyone (A random person from anywhere in the world - warning: international connections will lead to increased lag. It’s to be expected. Play local strangers.) Sorry, no leaderboards.

Icons: You can assign yourself any icon of the many you’ll accumulate. Character logos, character pics, etc. No new characters slipped in - unless of course brawling as your Mii is announced. *Crossed fingers*

Messages: Sorry kids, no microphone support (at least yet). Any and all communication will be limited to “With Friends” battles and you can only use one of four “taunts” you program to your 4 taunt buttons. Make ‘em count.

Practice: To cut down on impatience durin the stage setup process, all players not deciding fight parameters will get to wail on our old pal, Sandbag. Gratifying indeed.

Beat the shit out of Janey for that lame ass comment.

>> The Enemies from Subspace (Enemy Profiles) 9/19/07]

Ok, Smash just got weird. Like, really weird. I really don’t know what to say, but check these fuckers out scratch your head raw like I did. The only less-than-friendly, yet familiar faces belong to the R.O.B. squad - I guess the dark lord of Subspace plans to take over the world using Kingdom Hearts Heartless-ish …things and videogame technology from the 80’s.

I know, right?

>> Piplup (Pokémon) [9/20/07]

Another Pokémon. Wonderful. It’s a penguin that sprays water, then slides across it’s own excrement to commit suicide and take you with him. Fun.

Does it count as suicide if he’s pushed? You’re a douchebag, Diddy.

>> Snake: Special Moves (Character Move Set),  Metal Gear Solid: MGS4 Love Theme (Smash Bros. Brawl Version) (Music), and Snake (Character)[9/21/07]

Another three’fer! Yay!!! And what a three’fer it was. The last of the characters we’ve seen but haven’t had profiles on is revealed! Konami’s own Snake breaks the rules and joins the gradient background club (Conveniently following Konami showing him off in Brawl at TGS) and he’s showing us everything. Well almost everything. In addition to being treated to the best 5-O’Clock shadow in Brawl, he got his home field music and special moves. It’s apparent that Nintendo meant what the said when they declared there’d be no actual gun wielding in Smash - Snakes entire arsenal has been ACME-fied with an all-explosives theme. He’s got it all - rocket launcher, landmines, grenades, remote control missiles (watch your back while controlling), a cardboard box… He’s sure to be a lot of fun to fight with. His most impressive toy? Well, just check out his recovery jump:

A flying spy camera, naturally.

Things to check out/note/think about:

Updated Character Banner: bannerjpeg4.jpg

The “Known, but not Featured” List:

Characters: Snake (Everyone from here on out is a surprise!)

Stages: Battleship Halberd, Mario Circuit, Shadow Moses

Assist Trophies: Hammer Bro., Nintendog

Pokémon: Chikorita, Goldeen

Items:  Hammer, Bunny Hood, Metal Block, Cloaking Device, Lip’s Stick, Mushroom, Mini Mushroom

Currently Anticipating: The Ice Climbers’ Final Smash

Currently Laughing About: If you isolate the letters with stars under them in the Super Mario Galaxy box art you get “UR MR. GAY”

Overall, a pretty solid week for updates. Let’s dive right in shall we?

>>Pit’s Descent (Teaser Trailer) [9/3/07]

Such mixed feelings occur upon seeing that little movie camera icon on your update. You fought to stay up and are risking to be dead at work and/or class the next day and Sakurai awards you with a chance to see the game in beautiful, moving action …buuut you’re gonna have to fight with the rest of the internet fanatics to get it loaded and buffered. All the bandwidth in the world is no match for the foamy-mouthed Smash followers.

My solution: either check it out the next day or turn your volume up, go to bed, and just wait to get the living shit scared out of you. I’ve done both. I’m such a fuckin’ nerd.

What you would have seen eventually is a sweet little cinema that serves as Pit’s formal introduction to the Smash universe. Turns out he’s been watching the us fight via magic water broadcast all along. Where were you when Crazy Hand was beating the shit out of me, you bastard?! Anyway - seeing Mario, Kirby, Peach, and Zelda getting pwned is the last straw and Pit’s object of worship, Palutena agrees. In an eerily familiar moment, the goddess grants him a bow that can split into swords and unlimited light arrrows of sweetness. The eager large-footed angel boy then jumps into… or rather falls into action with a confident smirk. Pretty awesome. Not much more to say about it.

>>Special Moves: Diddy Kong (Character Move Set) [9/4/07]

As previously mentioned in his character profile, Diddy’s making his Smash debut armed with his Peanut Popgun and Rocketbarrels. This update gave us the lowdown on how these triumphs in jungle technology will function.

The Peanut Popgun presents an interesting concept (other than putting gunpowder in a wooden gun). The range of this weapon depends on how long you charge it - charge it too long and, naturally, it explodes, sending splinters and peanut shell shrapnel into your face. Unpleasant. Fire it correctly and not only can you laugh about shooting your nuts at people, but if you’re lucky, the peanut will break open, unveiling it’s edible contents. Granted, it’s only worth a small percentage, what good is the ability to generate your own health if you’re giving it to your enemies? Guess you’ll just have to go Rambo and run as you shoot, picking up the goodies as they bounce off your opponents’ faces.

If a gunpowder isn’t dangerous enough, you can always resort to rocket fuel. Diddy’s homemade jetpack serves as his 3rd jump - a sort of chargeable, controllable last resort. Apparently while thinking up this “ingenious” device, the silly monkey forgot to include a sturdy harness - being hit in the… well, anything will separate Diddy from his Rocketbarrels, leaving you with a helpless ape and wild, spiraling barrels of doom. This should be interesting.

>>Meta Knight (Character) [9/5/07]

In quite possibly the least surprising, least informative update EVER, Meta Knight finally gets his picture in front of a pretty gradient. No mention of special moves (despite having seen almost all of them already), no mention of his involvement in the Subspace Emissary, no nothin’ - just a brief physical description. Oh really, Sakurai? He has a mask and cape? I didn’t notice. *sigh* Just check out my updated character banner and move on. bannerjpeg3.jpg

>>Mario: Special Moves (Character Move Set) AND Pokémon Stadium 2 (Stage) [9/6/07]

A two’fer! I love two’fers! Ok, Sakurai - we forgive you for yesterday.

The first of the two this evening was an interesting look at Mario’s updated move set. Specifically his down B move - F.L.U.D.D. In one swift motion (I hope), Mario buckles on his trusty robot…backpack…super soaker…thingy and sprays enemies with water - and in what I believe is a Smash Bros. first, the offensive attack does no damage whatsoever - purely pushing power. I can see the edge-hogging already. At this point, myself and just about every other dork writing about this agree - count on Luigi busting out the Poltergust 3000.

…Wait a minute!! What happened to Mario’s original down B?! Yes, this update is more interesting than it looks initially - this is the first confirmation of an altered move set for a veteran character. But don’t worry - the Mario Tornado is still in his repertoire as a normal attack. I’m guessing a charged up B.

The back half of the update is the long-awaited profile for the Pokémon stage we’ve been seeing for some time now and the question on everyone’s tongue about it (Does it transform like the last Pokémon stage?) was answered - yes. Sakurai revealed that this stage’s transformations are made up of Pokémon types not featured in the similar stage in Melee (as if the name wasn’t hinting enough at the inclusion of the classic stage). What types you ask? Ice, ground, flying, and the yet to be revealed electric.

The one of particular interest to me, aside from the elusive electric type, is the flying type variation in which the floor is covered in air vents, increasing everyone’s jumping abilities, making for some floaty, mid-air battles. Also notable is the ground type background appearance of the only Pokémon I like - Cubone. Sweetness.

>>Super Smash Bros. Brawl: Main Theme (Music) AND Pokémon: Pokémon Stadium/Evolution (Music), AND My Music (Menu Option) [9/7/07]

A THREE’FER?! Oh, Sakurai - you are too much. In an unheard of three-part update, music takes the spotlight.

First of all, let me just say that the music in this game has got to be the best videogame music in the history of videogame music. There, I said it. You can’t deny it’s epic’ness. This update makes it apparent just how important music was in the planning of this game. For any given stage, there’s now a soundtrack as opposed to one repeating song. Anyone else tired of hearing Final Destination and Battlefield - I am. They must’ve gotten the memo. Anyway - these songs range anywhere from the hard-hitting orchestrated written-for-Brawl songs to original 8-bit nostalgia - basically any song pretaining to the franchise the stage you’re playing is based upon. And in case the selection isn’t big enough for your appetite right away, additional tracks can be found throughout the game as CDs.

But it doesn’t end there - in a system similar to that of the music options in Tony Hawk, you can change the likelihood of any given song - from all the time to not at all. Robust indeed. Some people have gripes about how the Brawl interface in general looks, but I’m saving my opinions until after I’ve seen it in action. There isn’t much to say about the two songs included in the update other than “yes, sexy.”

So there you have it, kids. Things are getting pretty exciting. Here’s an updated look at the “We know it, but it hasn’t been featured” list from last time:

Characters: Meta Knight, Snake

Stages: The Halberd, Mario Circuit, Pokémon Stadium, Shadow Moses

Assist Trophies: Hammer Bro., Nintendog

Pokémon: Chikorita, Goldeen

P.S. Word on the street is this box art could be official:

Damn low res…